Reflections on summer people pleasing workshop

Our first workshop together…

Mid-August, I co-facilitated a support group focused on people pleasing tendencies. We ran three 2-hour sessions that incorporated psychoeducation, exercises and discussion. We pulled from Virginia Satir's concept of sculpting, moving our bodies into various caricatures of passive/placating, aggressive/blaming, and assertive/leveling shapes, exploring how these felt in our bodies and relating these feelings to predominant communication styles. We also dove into early life attachment, viewing people pleasing as a kind of coping tool. Gabor Mate suggests that there is an ongoing conflict between authenticity and attachment. Authenticity relating to our instinctual, honest way of being. Authenticity is impeded by our predominant need to attach to our primary caregivers in early life. We learn to dismiss or repress our authentic emotional expression in order to be accepted and nurtured. In group, we became curious about how this conflict may not be so relevant in our adult relationships yet our bodies remember the risky endeavor to show up authentically.

I am excited to be offering group therapy sessions and am moved by the brave participation of those who attended. A benefit of attending group sessions is to be held by a group of people who are walking a similar path to you, learning that you are not alone in your challenge. A big take away for me was understanding that many of us use the same language for a specific challenge, yet, when we explore together we learn that our experiences may be different! We can also learn from the growth and processes of others, they may know a tool or two that you have never considered. Lisa Kenzie and I are going to offer this group again in November, keep an eye out here, on local social media bulletin boards, or for a poster tacked up on your nearest community board. Alternatively, don't hesitate to reach out to me directly at kelly@comoxvalleycounselling.ca if you have any questions.