Here is an invitation to be with your people-pleasing behaviours without judgment or shame, and to share in that experience with like-minded others. If you find that people-pleasing is impacting your relationships and daily life come join us as we mindfully explore these patterns.
Facilitated by counsellors; Kelly Grant and Lisa Kenzie.
4 sessions, $150.00
November 7/14/21/28
Sessions will be capped at 10 participants.
Location: 1B Rosewall Crescent #2426, Courtenay, BC V9N 8R9

Please contact me at kelly@comoxvalleycounselling.ca to reserve your spot today!

A time to turning inwards,

I stood in the parking lot today as I arrived to work. The wind whipped through, swirling dead leaves around my ankles. A sign of impending fall. Breathing deeply, tuning into my body before stepping into the office I took in my surroundings. I noticed the bright yellow sunflowers that greet you as you enter through our wooden fence, a sign of late summer. A time of transition indeed.

Summer brings with it a kind of chaotic nature; amalgamating busy schedules with friends and family, filling up weekends, tending the garden, squeezing every last drop out of the sun-filled days. Sitting around a small fire this week, a new friend remarked that fall was ‘definitely her season.’ I like this reflection, this awareness that there are times of the year that we can step into ourselves -perhaps finding comfort in coming closer to our idea of who we truly are. What qualities might these be?

Our first workshop together…

Mid-August, I co-facilitated a support group focused on people pleasing tendencies. We ran three 2-hour sessions that incorporated psychoeducation, exercises and discussion. We pulled from Virginia Satir's concept of sculpting, moving our bodies into various caricatures of passive/placating, aggressive/blaming, and assertive/leveling shapes, exploring how these felt in our bodies and relating these feelings to predominant communication styles. We also dove into early life attachment, viewing people pleasing as a kind of coping tool. Gabor Mate suggests that there is an ongoing conflict between authenticity and attachment. Authenticity relating to our instinctual, honest way of being. Authenticity is impeded by our predominant need to attach to our primary caregivers in early life. We learn to dismiss or repress our authentic emotional expression in order to be accepted and nurtured. In group, we became curious about how this conflict may not be so relevant in our adult relationships yet our bodies remember the risky endeavor to show up authentically.

I am excited to be offering group therapy sessions and am moved by the brave participation of those who attended. A benefit of attending group sessions is to be held by a group of people who are walking a similar path to you, learning that you are not alone in your challenge. A big take away for me was understanding that many of us use the same language for a specific challenge, yet, when we explore together we learn that our experiences may be different! We can also learn from the growth and processes of others, they may know a tool or two that you have never considered. Lisa Kenzie and I are going to offer this group again in November, keep an eye out here, on local social media bulletin boards, or for a poster tacked up on your nearest community board. Alternatively, don't hesitate to reach out to me directly at kelly@comoxvalleycounselling.ca if you have any questions.

It takes just 7 minutes.

I don’t know about you, but my journaling practice ebbs and flows. Oftentimes, I turn to my journal when I am stuck, hurting, and don’t want to burden others with my challenge. It can be a creative tool, a place to brainstorm ideas as I conjure up the motivation to make a change in my life.

I was introduced to this technique through a podcast, unfortunately I can’t pay homage to it here, as it was such a long time ago.

Here’s how it goes; I set a 5-minute timer on my phone/watch/clock and just start writing. This is anything, perhaps putting language to how my body feels in the moment, ‘my feet are cold’, what I see out the window, ‘the cosmos bravely blooming’, or an giving space to an intrusive thought ‘I need to have a difficult conversation with my partner’…

After 5-minutes, I read over what I have written. For me, this fills about 3/4 of the page, perhaps more if you’re a fast writer. I reflect on what I have written. Without prompts or pressure to produce something specific, what comes up? I settle on a theme, or take away message.

Then, I set the timer again for 1-minute. I write in the remaining space on the page what meaning I derive from my 5-minute brainstorm. Sometimes the take away is far from earth shattering, but in this mindful moment I find I get to know myself a little better. Knowing the session will take 7-minutes max. also helps me cross the barrier of being motivated to write in the first place.

I hope this helps! Let me know if you decide to give it a try. What did you notice? Any take away’s you’d like to share? Please do.